


arithmomania

by murdershewrote



Category: Preacher (Comics), Preacher (TV)
Genre: Backstory, Character Study, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Roman Catholicism, Superstition, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7250197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murdershewrote/pseuds/murdershewrote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arithmomania: an abnormal compulsion to count objects or actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	arithmomania

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. Warnings for bad language, mild self-loathing, and negative opinions of mental illness. 
> 
> Incorporates elements of comics canon but does not require knowledge of the comics or the show to understand.
> 
> Inspired by [this](http://klondikeaura.tumblr.com/post/146137126162/citizen-zero-so-in-lore-vampires-have-this) tumblr post.

It started during the war. He was a teenager in the middle of a country that was tearing itself apart: a bit of caution didn’t seem unreasonable. This was Ireland, the land of Catholicism and a thousand superstitions, nobody even questioned him. Repeatedly asking if Billy was okay just meant he was a good brother, saying his rosary made him a good Catholic, counting bullets made him a good soldier, leaving food for wandering spirits meant he followed the old ways. Being bit and changed by a water hag just made his actions all the more justified.

Those first few years in New York were spent getting acclimated to a new country and a new existence. He still kept up his old superstitions, but plenty of other immigrants did too. Reading _Dracula_ was a revelation. Plenty of it was wrong, of course, but enough of it was right to make him pause. Experimentation came next: crosses and holy water, any injury he could think of, partial sunlight.

Cassidy came to the realization that nothing but sunlight could hurt him, and even that he would heal from. It should have helped, it should have stopped the need for rituals and counting, but it only made it worse.

Before, he’d been good at math and keeping track of things. He never lost any animals on the farm and his supply count was more accurate than the quartermaster’s. But now he couldn’t stop counting: people, steps, buildings. He thought he was out of his goddamn mind. Cass didn’t have the terminology or the coping skills to help him then, and it came closer to killing him than the vampirism ever did.

The sixties rolled around and Cass finally had a name: obsessive-compulsive disorder. Freud had been talking about it for decades, but Freud was an asshole who wanted to fuck his mother, so his opinions aren't worth shit. While it was nice to know he had a diagnosis besides ‘crazy person,’ most of modern psychiatry wasn’t much help. His metabolism worked too quickly for Anafranil or Prozac to have much effect, and going to talk or behavioral therapy was just asking to be outed as a vampire.

Cass manages. He has no choice. He channels his compulsions into less visible things like tapping and rubbing and tries to count things that are at least semi-helpful. He counts hours of darkness, keeps track of sunrise and sunset times, counts days between blood, miles traveled, people in a room. Although he has long since lost his beads Cass still recites the rosary, and he observes the old superstitions.

_Don’t call someone’s name three times, that might kill them. Avoid ravens as they are harbingers of bad luck. Offer food to wandering spirits to stay on their good sides. Never give a knife as a gift. Salute someone with your left hand only if you wish bad luck upon them. A white clover protects against evil. A four leaf clover brings good luck. A crooked pin under your coat means you will win more in cards._

The worst part is, he knows it’s all pointless. He’s knows it’s illogical, that saying his prayers and avoiding bad omens won’t save him from anything. He knows, he _knows_ , but his stupid fucking brain won’t process it, the same way it won't stop counting. Whenever things get bad Cass reminds himself that drinking blood and burning in the sunlight doesn’t make any sense either, and yet here he is. Some things just are, against all rhyme or reason, even if you wish they weren’t.

Objectively, it’s pretty bad. But objectively, being a vampire is also pretty bad. His OCD isn’t debilitating like it could be and if not for the vampirism, he’d be dead. It’s all a matter of perspective and you can get used to anything.

 

He watches vampire movies for fun, for the irony. After _Dracula_ he’d read all the books he could get his hands on, all the old ghost stories and myths. Nowadays he reads about vampires for entertainment instead of education. Cass thought he knew all there is to know about vampire lore. He was wrong.

He’s flipping through a random book, trying to look busy and escape whoever was chasing him rather than actually reading, when he sees it for the first time. Arithmomania. The word catches his eye because it’s a symptom of OCD, one he is well-familiar with. He flips to the cover, wondering if he picked up a psychology book by chance, but no such luck. _Vampires, Burial, and Death: Folklore and Reality,_ Cass reads with a sinking feeling. 

> _…the wood chosen to stake the vampire…Various granular substances are put into graves or strewn along the path to the graveyard in order to hinder the revenant, and these include millet, sea sand, mustard seeds, oats, linen seeds, carrot seeds, and poppy seeds….harnessing of the revenant’s compulsions: he must collect the grains one at a time, and often just one grain per year. This so engages his attention that he is obliged to drop all other pursuits. The revenant is similarly obsessed, in northern Germany, with untying knots…_

Cass doesn’t read the rest because the book slips from his hands. He’s shaking and he can’t tell if he’s on the verge of laughter or tears. Out of all the fucking stereotypes, that’s the one that he conforms to. He couldn’t have fangs, or turn into a bat, or hypnotize women, but damn if he doesn’t get distracted counting things.

His meltdown gets him thrown out of the bookstore, but thankfully laughing like a maniac makes vampire hunters ignore you, so he survives another day. He buys the book, later, and reads the whole thing just in case he had been hallucinating. He wasn’t: there really are stories that say that vampires have arithmomania.   

It’s a coincidence, of course it is, but still. What are the odds that a person with OCD becomes a vampire and unwittingly confirms the lore? It’s the greatest joke in the world and he can’t even tell anyone.

Story of his life. 

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the abrupt ending, I ran out of steam. 
> 
> Summary definition of arithmomania comes from Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary. Italicized text is quoted directly from page 49 of _Vampires, Burial, and Death: Folklore and Reality_ , by Paul Barber, via GoogleBooks. The word ‘arithmomania’ does not actually appear in the book, to my knowledge, but shush, I needed it for the plot.
> 
> I do not have OCD so please tell me if I have gotten anything wrong.
> 
> Please point out any grammar/spelling errors and let me know if I need to warn for anything else.
> 
> Blanket permission for transformative works and collections. 
> 
> I'm on [tumblr.](http://murdersshewrote.tumblr.com)


End file.
